I Saw You | I Saw You | Spokane | The Pacific Northwest Inlander
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I SAW YOU
STUNNING FLY FISHER WOMAN: You walked into the fly shop holding your head high. You knew what you were looking for and picked out a couple of gypsy kings. You spoke with grace and authority while I fumbled for words in your presence as I rang you up. We chatted for a spell, and I fell head over heels for you. Would love to see you again, maybe on the water
SOUTH HILL GYM CRUSH: I noticed you a few weeks ago, and now I can’t seem to not notice you. You’ve got a bear tattoo and usually wear a brown beanie. I want to approach you, but sweaty with no makeup on isn’t my most ideal way to ask a guy out. Single? curious? Email me [email protected], and I’ll give you my name and number.
TO THE GENTLEMAN WHO YELLED AT WHEELCHAIR USER: I know, putting your cart back at Safeway is a rare occurrence. I want to start first by applauding you for that. However, when you have both earbuds in and aren’t paying attention to the people perhaps coming out of said Safeway, sometimes things bump gently into each other. For instance, like your ankle and the footrest of my wheelchair. I deeply apologize that my footrest touched your ankle as you backed into me. I had my arms full of grocery bags and couldn’t grab my wheels almost enough to fully stop. You thought my profuse apologies were not enough, though, as you scolded me and yelled that I “should really watch where I’m going.” I hope you have the day that you deserve, sir.
BRITTANY@KITEFIT!! Looking goooood, girl! Happy Four- OHHHHH. That working out is paying off HBIC (lol)
CHEERS
THE SOULS THAT SAVE: Cheers to the pets… esp. dogs. Their souls are pure. They don’t understand the words. Or the effect, or your past. They know when you need them…pure love. Thank you to my boys.
CHEERS TO ANIMAL RESCUE VOLUNTEERS: Cheers to the volunteers who transport adoptable pets between cities and states. I will forever be grateful to the volunteer(s) who drove my beloved Max (who recently passed away from lymphoma) from Maness Veterinary Clinic in Newcastle, Oklahoma, to Spokanimal in late summer 2016 where we were so lucky to find him. Thank you.
JEERS
FAT PORN MASQUERADES AS HIGH DRAMA: One of the most tiresome contrivances in the movie “The Whale” requires its relatively mobile characters—every one of them and several times each—to rush for the door of the obese protagonist’s apartment, fling it open and then — stop. They turn to deliver a few more (often, a lot more) spiteful/tearful/gut-wrenching lines, prolonging our agony. So just leave already! The script, by a playwright born in Moscow, Idaho, has been hailed as sensitive, brilliant, insightful, etc. when it is basically pseudo-sophisticated fat porn pretending to be drama. We can gape at the obscene corpulence of the central character, and be completed of our guilty pleasure in feeling, if not thin, at least a lot thinner. This is not a lowbrow spectacle like “My 600 Pound Life” — this is art! “The Whale” delivers one plot and character cliche after another, reveling in its own cleverness. To be fair, the playwright took devastating aim at the cruelty of rapacious sects disguised as “religions” (Muscovites may recognize his real-life target), and the performances of the actors are exquisite, but at its center “The Whale” is a hollow, if harrowing, exercise. It’s particularly galling that the movie’s sweaty, gasping protagonist demands that his Zoom class students “write honestly!” while the cooly calculating professor who actually created this monstrosity presents us with a case study in audience manipulation, relying on all the old tropes of melodrama, revealing no real “truth.”
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT DRIVING BOTTOMED OUT: Lately people have been turning right from the left lane and left from the right lane. Try going around the block. Maybe next time I WON’T slam my brakes on. It’s your fault!
MASKHOLE: Jeers to the jerk who accosted my sister for wearing a mask to OUR BROTHER-IN-LAW’S large, indoor funeral service. Coming up and giving her crap and judging her political affiliation and then proceeding to continue the “conversation” after she lied to you to try and be nice and deflect. How is it hurting you if she is wearing a mask to try to stay healthy? I so wish it had been me that you attacked. I wouldn’t have been so nice.
EXTREMELY DISTRACTING BROADWAY AUDIENCE MEMBER: To the gals who sat to the right of my wife and I during Aint Too Proud – The Life and Times of the Temptations, you ruined the show for everyone surrounding you. You riddled this Broadway production with the most shrill and inappropriate screaming at the end of each and every stage transition. During intermission everyone around us was talking about how distracting you two were. The second half of the production was even worse, and you were both completely unhinged to the point where we were all flinching at your decibels. Before you both go to another production of any sort, please consider that other people are paying to enjoy their experience. It’s awesome to have a good time, but please be considerate of others!
TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE: Jeers to the Inlander for running the article on the Stibnite Mine proposal nine days after the comment period closed. The comments in favor were the result of a well-organized industry effort. No such effort possible against the proposal since your article was too late. Nice going.
INEPT HOMELESS PLAN: The Spokane community’s response to the homeless “crisis” has been pathetic. The do-gooders just keep coddling these people and are not going away. Having worked in Spokane for almost 10 years, it is obvious to me most of the people are not going to change. Most are young and able. But they choose not to get jobs despite “HELP WANTED” signs in nearly every business. They admit they won’t follow rules. They won’t stop drugging and drinking. And why should they? The do-gooders provide food, protect them when they trespass and create that camp, promise them shelter, give them hope that they can get a tiny home of their own. Why mess up a good thing by getting their act together? I’m sure someone will propose that the $25 million offered by the Commerce Department should just be divided among the remaining 400 people in the camp. The “compassionate” people have just made this worse. And the city and county are complicit. But the taxpayers foot the bill, the citizens get accosted, and the businesses get robbed and vandalized. You’ve created a huge group of people that are waiting for the next handout so they’ll never have to work. And it just invites more of the same. Great lesson you’re teaching those people.
COVID’S STILL HERE: To the Health & Human services people & medical insurance people and medical community: COVID IS STILL HERE!!!!!!!! This means there are still people who get asymptomatic COVID & come to work, then my boss says, “Hey, go get a quick test.” Good flip-flip luck with that. EVERYWHERE I WENT, I NEEDED AN APPOINTMENT OR DR’S ORDER!!!! Some of us still give shit one about not spreading the virus around. I guess there’s not enough of us for the medical community to give a damn! MW.
CROSS IN CROSSWALK: To whoever wrote about the crosswalks, you’re right drivers SHOULD PAY ATTENTION. SO SHOULD PEDESTRIANS! I hate the new law that says anyone can leap out across the street anywhere. Why do we even have crosswalks, street lights, etc. to guide people when no one uses them! Then, you get the morons looking at their phones and just la dee da-ing across the street. It’s against the law to hold up traffic! I understand if you are elderly or have a disability — my ankles are shot. But PLEASE USE crosswalks and crossing lights where provided. Thank you.
NO BAD DOGS, ONLY BAD OWNERS: In-city dog owners: Stop letting your pets out to roam without supervision! After being attacked by two different loose dogs in the last year, my new CPL [Concealed Pistol License] ensures that I will always be armed while going out walking from now on. I REALLY don’t want to have to shoot at your dog. Please do the responsible thing and either fence your yard or take your dog out on a leash.
HOUSING MARKET BLUES: Jeers to all the corporate/private equity investors buying up our neighborhoods. Flippers are bad enough, but these entities are crushing the American dream of buying a home by inflating prices and creating shortages. There should be laws against this. Look at the County Scout website and all the LLC/investment properties. One or two is OK, but when half the block is rental, gone is pride in ownership and a sense of community. This is a major reason why Hillyard is still a ghetto. ♦